Gossip Girl: Psycho Killer
by kiran9437
Summary: I think this concept is ace, so I did a serious version of it rather than a parody. There's a murderer on the Upper East Side, or murderers? Who are they and why do they want everyone dead? All favourite characters/couples. \juliet is back. Please R&R :


**Gossip Girl: Psycho Killer**

**I might talk about killing people, but that doesn't mean I do it.****  
><strong>**- Eminem**

**Blood and guts. The only two things that could ever improve the affluent Upper East Side. Devastating but true. In such an incestuous world rife with scandal, drama and intrigue conflict is inevitable. The years of neglect and indulgence these spoilt yet undeniably gorgeous adolescents have endured are bound to take its toll. Murder may not be a healthy outlet but at least someone is getting something out of it. **

**Thou shalt not kill is the first of the ten commandments, but we're all sinners so let's not judge. Instead come here where I will perform my duty and keep you updated as to who this enigmatic murderer might be. And even more importantly will they strike again?**

**Xoxo **_**gossip girl**_

**. . . . . .**

**Like every other horror movie it all began with an attractive couple**

"Natie!" Blair unabashedly latched her arms around her pretty boyfriend, exuberantly leaping into his arms and kissing his face like an abandoned puppy. In just a borrowed oatmeal coloured sweater her hair in soft loose curls she looked like the perfect girlfriend, her crystalline blue eyes rapt on Nate's perplexed expression.

"Is that really necessary?" Chuck drawled, evidently nursing another of his record breaking hangovers, a Bloody Mary in his grip and an unpleasant grimace on his lips.

"You look rough," Nate commented perceptively, twisting Blair's split ends between his long, tan fingers.

"Headache," Chuck hissed, clutching his forehead, "or a migraine to be precise," he shook his head disbelievingly as if he was suffering from fleeting amnesia, "I honestly can't remember the last time I was sober."

"Well that's good because neither can I," Nate indirectly reprimanded, ever since the mysteriously suspicious death of Bart Bass, Chuck's stern father, Nate had been unknowingly filling in the disappointed paternal gap in Chuck's bizarrely empty life. The New York Post was laid out on the table, the front page emblazoned with **BASS INQUEST: MORE UNCOVERED**. Honestly, it was getting more coverage than the Jackson Trial, reporters were hounding the building night and day, forcing Chuck to party and lose himself in oblivion in his private suite. Unfortunately for Nate, with Blair in tow.

But don't kill anybody, we're getting there.

Nate retrieved the newspaper and read the inconsequential details, it was horrendous the amount of insignificant details they could sensationalise and exaggerate to make a pointless story. "Whatever this drivel is it doesn't merit the front cover of Seventeen magazine let alone The Post. These guys need to get back to stalking Lady Gaga," he joked feebly.

"I haven't read it yet," Chuck poured himself a glass of Vitamin Water after having a stare-off with Blair for the past five minutes while her insipid other half read the article. "But I imagine with Serena back in town all attention will be diverted to her."

"Serena's back," Blair was suddenly very alert, unfurling from her cross-legged position on the comfortable brown couch. Chuck was disappointed, he could no longer see her underwear. Blair urged Chuck to extrapolate with her large, penetrating eyes.

"Yes, she is Bart Bass's stepdaughter after all, at least she was going to be," he swallowed, misery etched into each of his Old Hollywood features.

"She feels really bad, going back to Hanover after the wedding and everything. She's gutted that she wasn't here for her family," Nate stupidly added, immediately Blair honed in on her blushing boyfriend who could see, ten seconds too late, that he had instantaneously landed himself in a freshly dug grave. Idiot.

"Well, why break the habit of a lifetime? Don't you think it's a little too late to be returning now after the damage is done? Bart's dead. Unless she has superpowers and can resurrect him then what is the point of her returning? We're all better off without her," she decisively replied, her gaze never unwavering from Nate, she was daring him to defend that lying, two-face ex best friend.

"Don't be so quick to condemn her," Nate said calmly, sitting down with the crumpled newspaper still in his hand, he reached for the coffee, stirring a shallow mug of it so he could avoid looking at her, "She went back to boarding school for you . . . it's been years since we . . ."

"Hooked up," Chuck helpfully supplied in his perpetually suave manner, life returning to his hollow visage and sparkling in his naughty sable eyes, he looked like a child caught stealing from the biscuit tin, "Had hot, passionate sex on a hotel bar stool; made sweet love at a wedding reception where she got to show you how flexible she is; seduced each other with your High School Musical good looks and abs-"

"That's enough, we get the picture," Nate scolded.

Chuck chuckled mischeviously under his breath, not sounding entirely stable, he was enjoying the discomfort that had contorted and coloured Blair's symmetrical apparition, she squirmed, shooting daggers at everything and everyone, especially Nate. Just like he liked it.

"What are you doing talking to her in the first place? What could you possibly have to say to each other that you didn't manage to get to at the Shephard wedding?" she scoffed.

"You're one to talk," Chuck piped up accusatorily, swirling his glass in her direction.

"This has got nothing to do with you," Blair shot back, blushing deeply.

Or has it?

"I felt bad for her . . . you know, a lot has changed since she has been here and I thought it was my duty to fill her in. I mean, come on it's the least I could do," Nate explained.

"Not that much has changed: you two are still together," Chuck pointed out.

"Apart from that," Nate kept his eyes level with Blair, who appeared to be softening and blatantly ignoring Chuck.

"So . . .," she walked over to him and curled up sweetly feline on his lap, smiling brightly with false cheer," what happens when she gets back?"

"Business as usual," Nate answered firmly, "I promise I won't even look at her. Serena who?" he grinned before nuzzling her nose and kissing her tersely on her chapped red mouth.

Chuck felt nauseous. "Ypu two disgust me."


End file.
